Mirror mirror.

Seems like birds of the same feather flock together.
And probably similar attracts.

It is true that only the best gets the best?

Oh well.

Enough of envy game.

Hang in there.

“It’s like wearing socks that are too big for you. You feel the warmth but it’s just not the right feeling” (Lee, 2011).

 

This, is just a passing phase.
It will be over in time to come.
Endure.

Where are you?

All of these nonsense needs to get out of my system.

Confidence. Where are you?

Vivian lim, where are you? You’ve been missing for quite sometime.
Please return when you see this because I don’t think I can stand any longer without you.

 

Sincerely,
Me.

Another cold and incoherent night.

I am starting to hate cold nights.
Maybe the cold freeze my brain
And I engaged in too much (or lack of) rational thinking.

Envy is a a self-destruction tool.
Trying my best but there are times (and probably many of it) where I wish I was someone else.

Unhealthy.

“There is no greatest sin than not knowing yourself and being yourself” – J

Some day back a good friend of mine told me something meaningful.

“There’ll always be someone better than you. So there’s no point comparing. What’s important is that you try your best every single time.”

—————————————————————————————
On a separate note, I would want to end this post with this,
“Would you rather choose to be loved or love someone?”

Who am I?

The stormy and cold night makes me wanna write again.

It’s night like this when you reflect and wish that life was easier.

A school of dream, success, and prestige.
A place where many people aim to go.
A place filled with praise and compliments when mentioned.
A school that elicit envious remarks.

I have done it, made it, achieved it.
But sometimes I ask myself.
Am I really….. happy?
And there are times when I go..
What am I doing? Is this what.. I want? 

Ironic that I am thinking twice about an option that people (maybe me even, before being here) would die for.
Ironic that what you want is not what you get.
That’s just life.

I have no courage to be different.
Although I sometimes desperately want to be a non-conformist.
There’s too much at stake.
I want to feel alive in this place.
I want to feel happy and meaningful again.

———————————————————————————————————-
On such a night where the it’s cold and comfortable,
Don’t you just wish to snuggle beside someone?

Sometimes solitude creeps in.
So badly that I want to scream.
But I hide the fears away,
because good things don’t come in a day.

“You got to learn to be happy on your own” 

There are a lot of setbacks. It’s really not easy.
But I must and I will continue to press hard on this journey of self-growth and self-discovery.

Ultimate.

It’s been way too long since I am on this space.
The catharsis that comes from writing is always a very attractive factor to return.

 

Sometimes I wonder how could anyone be so unreasonable and ridiculous?
Especially when it’s someone who you’re suppose to show care and concern to?

I don’t understand how you could just make life so miserable and difficult for people around you.
Maybe you don’t see it.
Or maybe like how they say it, you don’t care because you were never involved in taking care of us
And you’ve never invested any strong emotional bonds that is forged during those processes.
Is that why you are capable of the many cruel things that I can hardly comprehend?

You know, I have tried to love you.
I have tried to view the world from your perspective and find reasons for your actions.
Why must you always make it so difficult?
We are not your trashing bag nor your toys which doesn’t feel anything when you “treat” them in accordance to your mood.

And all you can threaten us with is money.
It’s really depressing and ironical that all is left between us and you is monetary benefits.
And that makes me wonder what would become of us
when we’re financially independent and no longer under your “control”.
What worse is that you don’t really care/know, whichever it is
that this is the only thing that’s left. Nothing more.

I hate it. I hate how we are trapped.
I hate that I have no way to escape and eliminate this feeling.
I want to break free.
I hate to fucking think of alternative when you are having a bad day and we become victims of it.

Why can’t you just fucking fucking realized that our relationship could improve if you just stop for a minute and think for us more than yourself.

Do you know how it feels to constantly tell myself to come to terms with this and accept that this is the life I am given?
It’s not that I have not tried to make things better or think of ways to improve things.
But somehow, it just doesn’t work because you are you. 

“Sometimes you just got to come to terms with things that dig that you. Otherwise, you’ll just go crazy.”

The process of coming to terms is always very painful.
It hurts with the same piercing intensity.
And I wonder, how long more can I take it?

Sometimes

Sometimes I just feel like I have so much things to say.
Sometimes overwhelming solitude creeps on me so bad that I wanna scream.
Sometimes people tell me that I confuse and complicate my own life.
Sometimes I feel like I wan everything and yet nothing all at the same time.
Sometimes I am all over the place, shattered and fluttered.
Sometimes I just want to stop being so indecisive and wishy-washy.
Sometimes, I reach this space and I don’t know what to say.

I hate pressing the backspace key.
I am gonna stop typing because the words just doesn’t come out right.
I just can’t explain how I feel right now.

很想.

我很想愛他.

隱瞞比較容易吧 免得感情變的複雜.

我很想愛他;

但是理智在吵架
退出可以解圍嗎
註能給我一個好回答?

如果 再捨不得
這樣下去 我們每個人都是受害者.

I’d hurt than not feeling anything

There’s a dream.
That I’ve been chasing
Want so badly for it to be reality.

Cause baby when you’re with me
It’s like an angel came by, and took me to heaven
When I stare in your eyes
It couldn’t be better.

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone cause I can’t fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Inception

Why do I keep feeling like I will wake up from this dream
And when I do
You will be right beside me, as if nothing had happened.

Sigh.

This is not right.
I kept telling myself it’s the work of idealization again.
But why does it feel so real, so familiar?

You know,
Maybe I really missed you how i once felt with you.

But soon, I know
I will wake up and this feeling will go away.