“It’s pathetic when people think you are laughing with them
                         when you are actually laughing at them.”

Maybe it’s time to stop.
Just too afraid that I’m too absorbed. Just afraid that this becomes an addiction.

Time to restructure. Now that the room is done, it’s life’s turn.

PS: time to cut some weight.

There are too many things going through my mind.
Too many things to deal with.
Then again, there can and there is always “too many” thing to do, but ultimately it is about what is really important. It’s all back to prioritising.

I need to learn that I can’t do everything.

————————————————————————————————————————

And what exactly is stopping me from stepping in?
Fear of failure? Lack of confidence?

Maybe it’s time to let go of all the “but”, “what if”, “however” and start embracing “I’ll try”, “I can do this”, “I believe”.

Take this leap of faith. And even if you fail, you know that at least, you have tried.
Let’s stop doubting and start believing for

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”

PS: The words are not coming to me tonight..

I have done lots of foolish things in my life.
I thought I am getting better at controlling myself.

Guess we still fall into the trap time to time
No matter how hard we try.

Last night was an eye opener for myself.
Made me realised how stupid women can be.

A stupid, plain stupid mistake.
Whatever, what’s done is done. Now I just have to come to terms with what happened and the money spent.
MUST NOT DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT A-G-A-I-N

Despite feeling good,
This feeling do come at a price.

So,

Why do we so often go for the bad guys instead of the good ones?
Something must be really wrong with me.

1) Hope
2) Expectation
3) Imagination

The rules of the game

1) Take everything with a pinch of salt
2) No expectations as it leads to disappointment
3) The one who care more loses
4) Stop fucking idealising the person and the situation

If you don’t learn the rules, then you don’t play the game.
I thought you have already learned it the hard way.
So save yourself a little misery and not do it twice.

I need a metal heart.
It’s a cruel game and the best wins.
Stop feeling, start thinking.

“When the flame dies,
all is left is ash and a badly burnt stick”

Seems like you are lingering round the corner.
Every where drop hints or trigger my memory of you.
I hope that soon I will look at those stimulus with a smile
Instead of this sour feeling.

You have taught me well.
For better or worse I can’t decide.

It’s really over.
Then again, how can something which never started be over?

In this hopeless place, you shall be the first and the last to get so close.

No more excuses for you.

Maybe deep inside I have always known.
I just refuse to believe it.

And now the reality has come to slap me in the face.
I stood there and laugh at how stupid I was.

What the f was I expecting?
Why did I hold on to that hope?

But we all learn.
This was a good slap in the face, a good lesson learned from my dearest…..
Friend.

Everything is going back on track.
Chasing back the lost time.

I thought it was over.
But I guess I am still expecting something.
A miracle?

You know boy, how tempting it is to ask?
So tired of talking in coded language and figuring you out.
I just need to know where I stand.

They say ask and you shall know.
Never thought this is going to be so difficult.
I’m not ready. Not ready to say goodbye.

So messed up.
How long more can we preserve this status quo?

I need to know.

The familiarity is making me cringe.

It does you no good.

So why do we still need love? relationship?

I need to stop. Until I find someone worth the troubles, the heartaches, the time, and the effort.

On a side note, I have a paper in less than 8 hours time and I can’t even get to sleep.

Maybe one should not expect too much on a birthday.
Time and time again, the idea of birthday has caused me more hurt than good.

Maybe I should just treat 15th Oct like any other random day.
It’ll save me many negative emotions.