Inhale.

Im stressed.
Im so fucking stress.

Everytime when the semester is coming to an end,
I find myself at the same place,
Feeling like a coward,
Just wanting to give up everything and escape.

Every semester is like this.
It’s damn annoying.
The amount and the difficulty of the work we have to do now
Is something you cannot imagine.

I went to read my entries in aug one year ago..
I.. felt a lot of things.
It’s good to read your archives every now and then/
Im starting to feel that blogging is important
Because it encourages me to be strong,
To win the race once again.

“yes i think i’ll be fine.
sorry to be a disappointment for those who wished me dead.
because i will still be breathing, well and strong.

the road ahead seems difficult
but yes, with persistence i’ll get better.
i’ll get through it somehow or rather.
i will get through this whole bloody week.

i will make it till the end.”

(Aug 23, 2008)

Yes, and now i need to find the motivation again.
Breathe vivian.
Embrace and Endure.
And it will be over before you know it.

I will I must I can
do it.

I will NOT
give up.

Above the clouds

Dear Edwin,

We might not be close friends,
We might not share many memories together,
But those few moments that we have together is enough.
Enough to let me realize how amazing you are.
How sincere, genuine your words are.
What a friendly, generous, lovely and caring person you are.

I will never get bored with you around.
I guess no body ever will.
Your smile, your joke.
You initiate chat and never make people feel uncomfortable/awkward around you.

We might not started out being a “fan” of yours,
But please do know that you’ve taught me a lot.
You inspire me with your passion in drama,
You make me realize the cruel yet powerful entertainment industry.
You told me secrets that i was dying to know back then.
But yet, you remain secretive about things that is too personal,
For you are a loyal friend.

I remember you in my dreams,
Every now and then,
When i walked past places we used to hang around at.
Flashbacks of you in your green shirt with a huge smile on your face
The smile that never fails to brighten up people around you.

And today as i read about how people have missed you,
It hurts.
Because i miss you just as much too.

Im so afraid of the pain of losing people around me forever.
It hurts so much.

But i know you are in a better world now.
A world that daddy is.
A world filled with laughter and joy
A world without pain.
But i know you have and will never forget us.

You will watch over your family and friends
Like how daddy is watching over me.

The next time i look into the sky,
I know you will be there somewhere above the clouds
Together with daddy and all the other people that I’ve lost over the years.

With love,
Vivian.

Speeding.

So many things has happened.
So many things is happening.

Don’t think i will back to this space soon.

Need to get over the fact that you are gone.
I think 10/10 theatre knockout this year will make me miss you more.
So many things to say.. But whats the point of saying only when someone is gone?
):

Drowning

Someone once told me that if i was thrown into a deep sea,
I would be able to survive because i have the ability to swim.

But now im losing faith in my swimming abilities.
Or probably i have never learned how to swim.
I never knew how to swim in a deep sea.

And that is why,

Im drowning now.
Im fucking drowning.

The battle.

I know im very late with the pictures.
My pictures is so overdue that its from the outing with dadpians during the hol.
Charlene was right about me procrastinating about uploading pictures.

Happy birthday Mr loh Xiangjun!!!!!!! (:
Celebrated his birthday with him today with Saiclan.

And now after a slack and laid back weekend,
What lies after is a huge ton of work waiting to be conquer.

Shall go and sleep now and charge up for the battle ahead.

Suck the fuck/shit up.

I recognize this feeling.
I fucking recognized it.

It’s really shitty when in the day you are fine and happy,
But at night,  things just seems to spiral down and crash on you suddenly.

It’s so unpredictable and unstable.

How do you make a choice when you are comparing on different grounds?
Yes right, you talked about priorities.

But don’t you think that circumstances also play a role
In affecting your priorities at that point in time?

So am i wrong now?
And how now am i going to tell you about it
When it will just add fuel to the already burning like crazy fire?

This whole post might sound incoherent but im sorry,
I just need to rant.

And some people, you are just saying that you will do something
But you ended up doing otherwise.
You should totally go and bang the wall or some shit
And don’t come and talk to me as if you really mean it.
Because time and time again, I realized what you said is just bullshit.

Actually, when given a second thought,
I have no rights to say anything about this person
It shouldn’t have matter in this case whether what she/he said is true/untrue.
It doesnt matter. It shouldn’t.

But you know whats the fucking problem now?
It is the fact that

Im caring less for those things that im supposed to care more.
And im caring more for those things that im not supposed to be caring anyway.

I think i really need to do something about it.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

This is the power of our health psychology textbook to treat insomnia.
Next time if u find that u can’t fall asleep,
I have a confirm will work remedy for you.

pengers     health psychology-ing says:
if i read some more
i will sleep again
so i better read summary
Vivian      ♥                  Can’t help falling    in love asleep. says:
HAHAHAHA
ya lo
i tell mnyself i cant sleep
so i went to living room to study
in the end i slept on the dining table -.-
pengers     health psychology-ing says:
HAHA
you even more power sia
i slept sitting up at my bed lor.
like guan yin like that
Vivian      ♥                  Can’t help falling    in love asleep. says:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pengers     health psychology-ing says:
i thought nv lie down then wont sleep
IN THE END
sleep in sitting position
knn

pengers     health psychology-ing says:
IHP textbook really can cure insomnia

WE ARE SO NOT EXAGGERATING.

The writer of that book is really…
Damn powerful. Maybe she had wrote other books like
“Curing insomnia”

-.-