bullshit.

i wanted to badly to upload all the pictures that i promised.
i’ve tons of them.
but photobucket just fucking refuse to upload it.
this few days, there is something so damn wrong with the computer and connection.
oh, and not forgetting everything else.

im irrtated.
im feeling like bullshit now.
oh, whats new.

oh im so fucking pathetic
im feeling so freaking bad
and all i can do is sit down trying to talk to this lifeless thing in front of me.
hoping that probably it will make me feel better.

i swear i was feeling so much better after miss div class today.
she introduce us to know about self- awareness.
about our self, who are we.
i’ve to be aware that im down, and that i need to pat myself up;
that im worth it;
that i need to start to have confident about myself.

but right now, its crashing.
and it has ALWAYS been like that.

just what the fuck is wrong with me.
jus why the fuck do i keep thinking about it.
im angry because im constantly making myself upset.
why wont you just disappear.
just go away. just erase my memory.
oh, probably i should go sniff perfume for the whole night today
it will stimulate my nerve and affect my memory.
if that help, i won’t mind.
im getting annoyed with life.
why must everything be a bitch.

im going to become wad u call ”learned helplessness”
when i feel bad, i get bullshit
when i feel good, i still get bullshit.
im giving up with trying.
to probably trying to be happy in life.
because everytime i feel happier, the next moment i will be in shit.
i want to stop trying.
whats the point?

i give you my version of “tattoo.”

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I’ll get what I’m asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
im still not learning even after i bleed and bleed.
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
but i just cant seem to do it.

 

To admit that I’m wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind
i have to but i cant.

[Chorus]
I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing’s broken
Everything’s broken.
No need to worry ’bout everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
still love you now.
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo.

 

 

I’m sick of playing all of these games
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do.

Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you.

screw this shit that is going on.
thanks, i know how emo im right now.
i know how stupid i might sound.
i hate myself for that.
oh, not only now that i hate myself,
im really starting to feel disgusted about myself.
fuck.

i feel like doing something
which i should not be even fucking thinking about.