we were never fated to be.

LONG AND STUPID POST AHEAD.

today must be some kind of black wednesday
or some april fool thingy(just that mine is at the end of the month instead of the start)
ok, today it’s vivian’s day!

DUMB STORY 1:
IM REALLY STUPID! 
i wore my lens to school.
i rub my eyes cause it was very uncomfortable and then the len went missing!
i search high and low for it (MAKE ME LATE FOR SCHOOL)
in desperation, i open a new box of monthly lens. (waste money i know.)
i went to school to find out that the brown lens has always been in my eyes!
i was wearing TWO lens overlapping one another for my left eye.
so my eyes were in two different colour. WTF.
but i swear i didnt see anything when i search my eye.
neither did i felt any pain!
DAMN DUMB.

DUMB STORY 2:
acc-ed nazreen to town to get her shoes.
if u guys has always been to heeren,
there’s this mirror near catus and pine,
they have this effect of enlarging ur head while ur body remains the same.
so i tot i looked so damn funny,
i kept walking backwards to make my head look bigger
i swear i was making funny faces
anddoing stupid things
until nazreen said “don’t ruin ur reputation, someone’s watching”
i looked over and saw the shopkeeper staring at me.
obviously withnessing every stupid thing i’ve done.
I WAS GOD DAMN EMBARRASSED THAT I RAN AWAY!
so freaking paiseh la! OMG.
SUPER DUMB.

DUMB STORY 3:
i accidentally fuck the wrong person!
haha, dun get me wrong, this was wad happened.
i was feeling very pissed over some stuff.
i said ”fuck man” quietly to myself.
i tot jw they all were beside me. so i just go on and in a very exaggerating manner said “FUCK!” (if u know me, u ought to know how i do it(storming my feet and shaking my hands etc) )
i turn and saw two complete strangers.
WTF MAN.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EMBARRASSING! ROAR.
they must be thinking that im a mad women or something.
FREAKING DUMB.

DUMB STORY 4:
dumb-est of all!
since i changed a new phone, my contacts hasnt been sorted out yet.
so sometime when u sms me, it might not appear ur name.
so it will just show ur number.
so this guy A sms-ed me and asked if i wanna watch iron man with his friends and then go town walk walk or something.
coincidentally, jw is going to watch ironman with the gang tml also.
so i mistaken guy A for jw and tot jw was trying to be funny.
(guy A’s number and typing is really similar to jw’s)
and the fact that we just got back from town, i tot he was trying to be sarcastic or something.
it looked so much like him, its such a coincidence then even val and naz think its jw trying to be funny.
so i text back trying to be stupid:

“you stupid fucker. you stupid loner (jw was sitting opposite us ALONE) nobody wanna watch movie with you la. you go watch alone la! go and die la you idiot! “

so he replied:
“??? why are you scolding me?”

still, i tot jw was trying to act innocent i text back
“BECAUSE YOU SUCK!”

and then guy A called. it was then i realise how dumb i’ve been.
poor thing, kena scolded for nothing.
i swear it was damn dumb. but we were laughing like mad.
DUMB-EST OF ALL!

they say i need to smile MORE!

stupid things like THIS!

see the ghost on val on top left hand corner?

(:

another version! LOL.

SEE MY LONER FRIEND, MR CJW!

wad a day.

ok i wanna go slp!
lao niang v tired!
night world! (:

 

perhaps this is wad you call destiny
perhaps this is fate.
perhaps it was all predicted.
perhaps God did wanted to protect me.
He didn’t want me to get hurt.

but still, i ended up coming home,
feeling so confused.
was i really the only one that is at fault and needs to change?
but im sorry, i had to be me.

frozen

i actually planned to come home early today
and finish up all the journals and article that i’ve to read.
(oh, such a good girl right)
BUT i was talking with my classmates
that i only got home at about 1045pm.
hahaha, wads new right!

it’s good, we shared a lot of things
we learn great stuff from one another.
omfg, im so in love with DADP
and feel so blessed that i didnt choose something else back then.

im exhausted.
i need resttttt.
tml’s gonna be a long dayyyy.

pictures ahead that are dued long long ago.

freshmen orientation (wow, really long ago. lol)

freshmen welcome party

yeah! (: fun fun.

inspector calls @ raffles hotel

mrt.

that’s gail! (:

jieying and flowers for wendy!

unglam me.

the lady beside me is my devised drama teacher! i swear she rock big time! (:

CHARLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just get to know today that he is the one in the kfc commercial! ARGH!
he’s the centre guy in black.

random

xi, nu, ai, le

another version for u. haha

library. ITS A CROWN ON MY HEAD. it is!

YES I KNOW YOU MUsT HAVE SEEN THIS PHOTO EVERYWHERE.

ok done. im too tired to even think of things to write.
so bye i need to sleep! couldnt slept well last night.
needa replenish!

 

because this is me,
this is just the way i am.
im sorry, i just couldn’t be you.
thats why i say, im just so selfish.
to want you but yet couldn’t do anything to make you feel better.

 

i just want to escape.

 

im not okay.

another long and terrible night.
i need sleeping pills.

if only it hurt no more.

m1 should really go and die.
i tried uploading all my photos to friendster and photobucket in school
and it was a success.
so screw m1.
even free connection also better than paid one.
ROAR.

so now that my photos are finally uploaded,
i will upload all those overdued photos asap.
tonight, IF im freee.
but i need to complete applied drama journal!
some research and reading to be done too! ):

in class now,
BYE.

 

vivian, you gotta stop thinking.

crashed.

“bring me to life” -evanescence

How can you see into my eyes,
Like open doors
Leading you down into my core,
Where I’ve become so numb.
Without a soul. My spirit’s sleeping somewhere cold,
Until you find it there and lead it back home.

Wake me up inside,
Wake me up inside,
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Bid my blood to run,
Before I come undone,
Save me from the nothing I’ve become.

Now that I know what I’m without,
You can’t just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real,
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
Without your love, darling,
Only you are the life among the dead.

I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems,
Got to open my eyes to everything.

ouch, it hurts
because i saw a broken girl.

invisible

6 journals dued on a date i don’t know.
half way through the third one.
the word here is i should be consistent.
but screw it, whoever who knows me should know how inconsistent i am.
ha, but time for a change right?
but still, last min rule still stay.
im just too lazy.

im irritated with the stupid china phone
im irrtated with my window xp’s msn
(it didn’t show the contacts i added recently. which means EVERYONE from singapore poly is missing)
i tried re-installing. still cant. ROAR.
im irritated with damn friendster
(refuse to upload my photos)
oh and i give up trying to upload photos to photo bucket.
so TOO BAD.
just what the fuck is wrong with everything?

on a lighter note,
im excited for school!
school keeps me out of thinking from things that i shouldnt.
school makes me happy
i love my course!
devised drama tml!
hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
———————————————————————-

today, i was reminded of you so many fucking times.
photos, places, people, …..
a wrong choice back then.
probably if i wait a little longer,
it wouldnt hurt like now.

Everyday is so wonderful
And suddenly, I saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I’m so ashamed.

at the end of the day,
i have myself to blame.

bullshit.

i wanted to badly to upload all the pictures that i promised.
i’ve tons of them.
but photobucket just fucking refuse to upload it.
this few days, there is something so damn wrong with the computer and connection.
oh, and not forgetting everything else.

im irrtated.
im feeling like bullshit now.
oh, whats new.

oh im so fucking pathetic
im feeling so freaking bad
and all i can do is sit down trying to talk to this lifeless thing in front of me.
hoping that probably it will make me feel better.

i swear i was feeling so much better after miss div class today.
she introduce us to know about self- awareness.
about our self, who are we.
i’ve to be aware that im down, and that i need to pat myself up;
that im worth it;
that i need to start to have confident about myself.

but right now, its crashing.
and it has ALWAYS been like that.

just what the fuck is wrong with me.
jus why the fuck do i keep thinking about it.
im angry because im constantly making myself upset.
why wont you just disappear.
just go away. just erase my memory.
oh, probably i should go sniff perfume for the whole night today
it will stimulate my nerve and affect my memory.
if that help, i won’t mind.
im getting annoyed with life.
why must everything be a bitch.

im going to become wad u call ”learned helplessness”
when i feel bad, i get bullshit
when i feel good, i still get bullshit.
im giving up with trying.
to probably trying to be happy in life.
because everytime i feel happier, the next moment i will be in shit.
i want to stop trying.
whats the point?

i give you my version of “tattoo.”

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I’ll get what I’m asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
im still not learning even after i bleed and bleed.
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
but i just cant seem to do it.

 

To admit that I’m wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind
i have to but i cant.

[Chorus]
I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing’s broken
Everything’s broken.
No need to worry ’bout everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
still love you now.
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo.

 

 

I’m sick of playing all of these games
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do.

Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you.

screw this shit that is going on.
thanks, i know how emo im right now.
i know how stupid i might sound.
i hate myself for that.
oh, not only now that i hate myself,
im really starting to feel disgusted about myself.
fuck.

i feel like doing something
which i should not be even fucking thinking about.

foolish-ness

im just back from the play called
“inspector calls” done by our very own sp students.
my devised drama teacher is the director for this show
so ya, it is sort of compulsory to watch this play.
but its really nice.

i tell you guys something,
i PROMISE to upload the photos when i get all of them
now, i jus badly need to sleep because i have class at 8am tml!
that would probably mean waking up at 630(even earlier than sec sch)
its freaking 12ish now
I HAVE TO GO!

more to come! 

every single bit

now i know that probably im right
all along.

its always painful to know the truth
but that does not necessary mean that its not good to know it.
probably with this it will

set me free.

thank you.

perhaps

i actually went bugis ALONE to get my notebook for the stupid journals.
impressive i know.
haha so i walked around to wait for my bitch to finish work at 6pm
then we look around for her bag
she FORCED me to get the same bag as her
so ya, now we have EXACTLY same bag.
haha but its cheap and nice. (:

so ya thats my sunday.
school for 2 hours tml!
more things coming up this week!
lollipop@mos on friday!

ok im bored.
nth else to blog either.
GOODBYE!

stay tuned!